If I’ve learned anything over the past couple of years, it’s that healing is a circuitous process. Often, the solution to one problem causes other problems, all with seemingly endless and increasingly burdensome possible solutions.

I worked so hard to gain weight, accept my new body, and celebrate food freedom that I was confused and disappointed that the energy and strength I expected with a sufficiently-fueled body didn’t come.

Months of unanswered questions and fruitless pregnancy attempts ended with discovering that I had some severe gut, immune, and hormone issues that required a seriously restrictive diet and intense treatment regimen.

The diet used to heal infections that were wreaking havoc on my body left me thinner than I’ve ever been. This lead to more severe hormonal issues. I’m now on a journey to gain weight while continuing to heal my gut.

I don’t always look or feel it, but I am different, maintaining recovery, and making progress everyday. My carefully curated meal plan doesn’t look like the food freedom I aim for, but I make choices based on facts rather than fear, and one day I’ll be healed enough to experience the freedom I seek.

Here are the actions and mindset shifts that are keeping me on track:

✌️I am now motivated by a desire to heal my body, rather than a desire to control my body.

✌️I know exactly what I want and align my actions with those goals.

✌️I check in regularly with healthcare professionals and therapists

✌️I check in with myself and my body before taking any advice or adding any new treatment.

✌️I listen to my body and its cues

✌️I am honest with family and friends about my journey.

✌️I rest without shame.

✌️I remind myself daily (ok…hourly) that my body is resilient and I will rise again.

A couple years ago, I learned to love a bigger body. Then, I learned to love a smaller body, because it was still mine, and it fought to get me where I need to go. Now, I am loving my body as it grows again

Especially in the alternative, natural healing space, there are plenty of experts ready to tell you about all of the “bad” foods you need to eliminate to heal. They operate in and propagate fear, making food out to be more enemy than ally.

After overcoming disordered eating, I refuse to accept that I will have to eat a restrictive diet for the rest of my life. It’s been a slow, painful process, but I’m adding diversity back into my diet after being restricted for health reasons for almost a full year! I couldn’t do it without the help of @nutrition_dynamic and @kristensmithdpt

I’m re-learning how to relate to different foods and how to help my body do its job.

In a world that full of voices giving us rules and assigning food a moral value, I claim freedom.
⚡️I refuse to cut entire food groups out ever again.
⚡️I refuse to make food decisions based on fear.
⚡️I refuse to be left out of celebrations.

I’m so close to freedom, I can TASTE it!
⚡️I will cook one meal for my husband and me.
⚡️I will savor birthday cake with friends.
⚡️I will make and eat waffles with my kids.
⚡️I will go to the fair and sample fair food.
⚡️I will enjoy dinners out for both the company and the food.

Recovery from disordered eating alongside recovery from chronic gut and hormone issues is a bit of a mind-fuck. I’m still on this journey and far from an expert, but I hope that my thoughts are helpful and encouraging to my fellow fighters.

I’d love to hear how you deal with similar fights!

xoxo Your Favorite Late Bloomer