Everything changed for me when I began living as an ancestor. When I stopped viewing my life as merely mine and as merely affecting me and my contemporaries, change became inevitable, struggle started making sense, and excellence shifted from a maybe to a non-negotiable. When I started living as the ancestor of generations yet to manifest, my entire perspective shifted.

This transformation is akin to the one I experienced when I got married. When I realized that my bullshit was affecting Blake as much as it was affecting me, I decided I could put up with it no longer. The habits that I had once kept so comfortably hidden demanded exposure and attention. It was as if the issues I had once struggled to even acknowledge, were now so clear; the challenges I had tried and failed at overcoming countless times, were now met with new strength and resilience.

Now, I feel called-no. that’s not right. I feel gently lifted, supported, drawn-to level up because my life and my actions have even more weight than I thought.

It’s more than the thought of possible future children. That’s part of it, but we have faced, mourned, and accepted the fact that we may not have the honor of our own children in this life. I may not have the chance to exert the immediate influence of the nuclear family and resulting direct bloodline. Nevertheless, I am an ancestor. My struggles and successes will affect those that come after me, regardless of whether I pass on my genes. The generational traumas I heal feel like less of an unfair burden when I think of the fact that future generations won’t have to bear this burden.

I no longer struggle with feeling that my lot in life is less than fair, especially when I see friends easily conceive while doing all of the things I was told kept me from motherhood. There were times I resented those who used fear to teach me and the years I once viewed as wasted dealing with and healing old traumas instead of forging ahead. No longer.

I know that I am merely one part of a long heritage, and my life will either lighten the burden of future generations or add to it. This knowledge puts my life and my healing journey into perspective. It is necessary. It is not a waste. Fairness is irrelevant. My comfort is irrelevant.

I am not merely Bailey Bowerman. I am a descendant. I am a future ancestor. I am a healer of generational trauma.

xoxo Your Favorite Late Bloomer