People often ask me if I’m bothered by Blake drinking, given that I’ve been sober for almost 2 years now. The short answer is NOT AT ALL. The longer answer is that I believe that Blake has beautiful wisdom and doesn’t need me micromanaging his drinking or any part of his life.

My answer may have surprised you, and I think it applies to more than just the sober, the sober-curious, and those who love them.

I should begin by noting that Blake is a grown, independent man. I have no more control over him and his habits than I do over the US economy. I’m his wife, his partner, his support, and his equal, but I am not his mother. I have no desire to control or manipulate him as if he were a dog or a child (and honestly, we shouldn’t be treating children that way either). I will hold back from a rant on this topic, but I firmly believe that the normalization of a derisive, controlling tension between spouses is incredibly harmful and should be stopped.

Back to me ;). My full journey is a topic for another post on another day, but suffice it to say, I stopped drinking almost 2 years ago to support my gut and hormone healing journey, and I am a better version of myself now that alcohol isn’t part of my life. I can’t say I was an alcoholic, but I also can’t say I had a healthy relationship with alcohol.

I’m no teetotaler, I don’t think drinking is inherently wrong or inherently unhealthy, and I can’t say I’ll never drink again. It merely doesn’t serve me currently, and I don’t foresee a net gain from adding it back in right now. I’ve talked at length about my disordered eating journey, and I can’t overlook the obvious connection between my restrictive relationship with food and my frenetic relationship with alcohol and regular blackouts.

In stark contrast lies Blake and his healthy relationship with both food and alcohol. He approaches booze with balance, listens to his body, and indulges responsibly. This is a wild concept for someone like me, but he is able to drink regularly and almost never to excess.

Just as I’ve been so careful never to impose my dietary restrictions (once self-imposed, now medically-imposed) on Blake, I refuse to impose my alcohol restriction on him. I’d hate to get in the way of his connection with his body’s cues, his neutral relationship with indulgences (whether that be Coor’s Light or Reese’s), or his ability to enjoy pleasure in moderation.

For all of these reasons, and so many more, I gladly keep multiple refrigerators stocked with Coors Light and our snack cabinet full of his favorite sweets. Life is about balance and moderation and diversity of thought and habit and preference. As I learn to be a better partner, I have leaned into the idea that what is best for me isn’t always what is best for Blake, and I can live with that duality.

xoxo Your Favorite Late Bloomer